I Miss my Bike
As I continue to feel a bit untethered during my transition back to LA, I feel intense longing for my Birdy almost the one does a lover.
Just me and my birdy...
When I first visited Berlin in 2006, I never thought I’d find myself 5 years later, biking through the city’s streets at night with friends and alone, for meetings parties, dinners, openings, or just because. My best biking moments were when I was alone; who would have ever thought that I would ever know how to get around Berlin, by myself, at night, by bike??? That sense of independence was delicious. Being raised in New York can be such a handicap sometimes, because are sense of direction is lazily honed: If the street numbers rise, you’re going North, and you can figure out South, East and West easily from there. You don’t need to rely on landmarks or anything else really. Just chronological order. Seeing how I learned a new city over time, and could maneuver on my own, made me feel like an adult. More than anything, biking the city helped me learn it better, and hence, deepened my connection to it.
I am missing this sense of independence and connection in LA. In LA, you need a car, and I finally am succumbing to buying one. I’ll regain my sense of independence of navigating space, the way I am used to in New York and Berlin. But connection to the city? I am not so sure. When you are in your car driving around in LA, your vision becomes a bit myopic. There is no time to really take in the neighborhood around you, and enjoy the sights, because you are just trying to get from point A to point B. You don’t feel, hear, smell or see the city in your car.
I hope this year to get a better sense from my Angeleno friends, and East Coast friends who have made the West Coast home, exactly what makes them feel connect to this city and love it. Is it family? The weather? Family and friends I can understand, but love it as I do, I don’t think the weather would be enough to make me love or stay in a place. So, am I saying that I’d take cold miserable weather rather than a disconnected sense of place, space and time? I guess so, for now. I miss my bike!
My Favorite Park in Berlin: Tempelhof Park
It’s been a full month of recovering from June traveling, recovering from sinus infections and then just more importantly, RESTING! I don’t know where the hell I got the idea that I am a robot that can keep on go!-go!-go!-going all the time with work, but I finally gave in to all the warning signs my body was giving me and blissfully (although, still, not full guilt-free) took the month of July off to just rest myself, mind, body and soul. Taking German classes every day for 3 hours was more than enough work, and now I am easing back into the groove of reading academic texts, writing grants, and writing a paper that is due on September 1st.
Right now, Berlin is raining, grey and cold. It seems as if summer took a vacation this summer in Berlin, but thankfully, I got to enjoy some days out in the bark basking in the sun with friends. A few weeks ago, we grilled in one of my favorite parks here in Berlin, Tempelhof Park. I love it mainly because of the wide open space of sky you get to experience while there. If, like me, you stay pretty much for a good chunk of the day, you see the sky turn the different colors of the day. You don’t get to see this much sky in most cities often. I also like the feelings of solitude and freedom you experience just biking along the paths. There are people around you, but the space is so massive, that you can really feel alone and free to be you in that space however you need and want to be.
What also fascinates me about the park is its history. Tempelhof Park used to be Tempelhof Airport, the airport Hitler built to mobilize for war and world domination. I am always interested in the ways that cities and countries reconcile with destructive moments of their past. Dealing with the physical structures that Hitler built is a particularly complex task. Do you demolish it? And if so, isn’t that erasing the past? But then what do you do with this massive structure in a way that does not make you forget the past, but helps you live in the present and move toward the future? I think Tempelhof Park is a productive way to acknowledge and reflect on the past, while not getting stuck there in a way that does not make you connect it to, an be, in the present.
Lessons Learned #53
After battling a cold, which has now turned into a sinus infection, for almost 3 weeks, and which unfortunately, I think, has colored some of my travel experiences this June, I have learned some new lessons on the importance of self-care, ESPECIALLY when traveling:
1. Even if you are in Amsterdam/Paris/Berlin/(Insert new and/or favorite city here), you CAN miss the party, event, bike ride, dinner, lunch, drinks that everyone, including yourself, is excited to take you on to show you the greatness of this new city. There will be other parties/events/bike rides/dinners/lunches/drinks, but you may not be able to enjoy them the next time around because now, you are REALLY sick and really not in the mood.
2. Since planes are breeding grounds anyway for all kinds of virus and bacterias, which means there is a really good chance that you will board the plane healthy but disembark with the beginning of the sniffles that your neighbor sitting next to you gave you (example: me, this June), just sleep for at least the next 3 days that you are in your new place and do not plan any major events, EVEN if you feel healthy and do not have the sniffles. This may sound exactly like #1, but the difference is that even if you don’t go out, you may forget to rest your body and mind, that are both in shock after traveling crazy hours, and having your body think that it’s 1pm, but your mind and experiences telling it that nope! It’s 10pm, get with the program girl! So, if the weather is beautiful outside and you absolutely MUST be out there too with the rest of the world, grab a blanket, a book, some good music and just chill out in the park. Or enjoy a drink by the river with one of your friends (even though I think it’s better to do all of these things alone to catch up with yourself). Or enjoy a nice long brunch/lunch/dinner with friends. Just only do things that require nothing of you except long hours sitting still, letting time pass, and enjoying the moments, and most importantly, resting your body and mind.
3. Make sure to STRETCH for a good 20 minutes after you get off the plan, and then throughout the day for at least the next 3 days. By then, you should fall back into your exercise regimen from home, or the next thing you know, 3 months have gone by and you have not done nothing but neglect your body’s physical health and starting over from scratch, which you know from experience, is going to be hell those first 2 weeks.
4. Drink lots of WATER.
5. Sleep some more.
6. Meditate. Weather it’s sitting/writing/walking/eating/tea drinking, make sure to devote at least 10 minutes a day to sitting still and practicing being present for each and everyone of those 10 minutes. It will help you embrace the nearly guaraunteed craziness of the day that is headed your way, and that is associated often with traveling for work, and also for pleasure, simply by having to adjust yourself and learn how to navigate new environments.
7. Grapefruit seed oil extract is the shit!! I am NEVER leaving home without it and it will be the first thing I pack whenever I prepare for a trip. I am currently on the hunt for finding it in Amsterdam, and will def get it in Berlin. Shout out to Rob for putting me on to this after hearing me nearly hack up a lung and hearing that I spoke like my nose was seriously clogged up (it was). A few drops in the Netti pot, and then a few drops more in some water to gargle with, set me on the glorious path to recovery. It tastes ridiculously nasty, but I’ll be damned if it is not the holistic one-stop cure all. Another shout out to holistic and preventative medicine!
*Clearly, I did none of this because if I had followed my own advice, I would not feel like mucus production factory that decided to work 24/7 to push out its product quicker. But, I am only able to give this my advice to myself after learning the lesson the hard way. So, hopefully by this time last week, I will be 100%! I am still glad for all the parties and events that I’ve gone to :), BUT, when I return to Berlin, I’m ignoring all texts that entice me out to do things other than sleep, eat and rest for the next week. Only after then, will I be ready to cut up a rug and ready for the next adventure.
On Celebrations of Death, or, On Reactions to Recent News about Osama
“I’m concerned about a better world. I’m concerned about justice; I’m concerned about brotherhood; I’m concerned about truth. And when one is concerned about that, he can never advocate violence. For through violence you may murder a murderer, but you can’t murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar, but you can’t establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can’t murder hate through violence. Darkness cannot put out darkness; only light can do that. And I say to you, I have also decided to stick with love, for I know that love is ultimately the only answer to mankind’s problems. (Yes) And I’m going to talk about it everywhere I go. I know it isn’t popular to talk about it in some circles today. (No) And I’m not talking about emotional bosh when I talk about love; I’m talking about a strong, demanding love. (Yes) For I have seen too much hate. (Yes) I’ve seen too much hate on the faces of sheriffs in the South. (Yeah) I’ve seen hate on the faces of too many Klansmen and too many White Citizens Councilors in the South to want to hate, myself, because every time I see it, I know that it does something to their faces and their personalities, and I say to myself that hate is too great a burden to bear. (Yes, That’s right) I have decided to love. [applause] If you are seeking the highest good, I think you can find it through love.”— Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
August 17, 1967. Atlanta, GA
“Where Do We Go From Here”
Reason #153 Why I Love Junot Diaz
I read this interview with Junot Diaz recently: http://www.bostonreview.net/BR36.1/diaz.php , and it provided me with yet another reason (or two) of why I think he is one of the greatest contemporary writers out there, and also, why I LOVE HIM!!
Anyone who knows me knows how much of a talented writer I think he is. Most members of my immediate family, as well as some friends, received either The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao or Drowned from me as birthday/christmas gifts these last few years. I can’t get enough of this man, his writing, and talking about both with people who have read him or are thinking about it.
A complete break-down of all the reasons why I think he’s a master story-teller will have to wait for another day. I am writing about him tonight because this interview made me accept my process of writing and chewing on thoughts for a while. Not only does he talk about how Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison chanted his life (mine too! See Junot? We are meant to be together.), but he talks about how it took him 10 years to complete Oscar Wao.. His reason? “I’m a slow writer.” I mean, damn. So simply put and more importantly, NO EXCUSES. He is just being honest about his process of how a story unfolds for him and that it takes a while.
And the thing is, I’m a slow writer too! I don’t mean the actual practice of writing; once the ideas come to me, my fingers fly over the keyboard for a good hour at a time. I’m slow at times with fully feeling first, and understanding later, the full impact an event, conversation, or moment in time has on me. But no, that’s not true. I just need to sit a while and THINK, or sit a while and FEEL, before I can begin to share with others my thoughts out loud. And I love Junot for so simply making me feel okay with how I move, interact and take in life.
Part of the reason why I stopped writing this last year, both online and in life, is because I have been processing a lot of change and I am just now able to make sense of it for myself, learning from it, and knowing how I want to proceed next. These last two years have been filled with some serious chapter closing/ending moments: career change; going back to school, going back to, and learning how to remain sane in this institution called “academia” that was never made for, or wanted anyone other than White, rich, men; relocating for the first time to another city other than my hometown..and doing it 3,000 miles to the weirdest city in this country, then deciding 7 months later to go 6,000 miles further East to do research in another country and language that not too long ago was COMPLETELY incomprehensible to me, and telling this, when asked, to all of my advisors and colleagues, and saying, “I’m going to Germany” like it was the most normal and easiest thing to do and looking at them like, “what?” like THEY were crazy for being surprised at my new, and somewhat sudden (but not to myself, really) revelation.
And then going there, and seeing that I was right to follow my gut instincts, and seeing how real the phrase, “to thine own self be true” is. Because my experiences there on the ground showed me that yeah, sometimes you gotta step out on faith on yourself and your goals and dreams, especially when nothing in your world, in your immediate moment, supports or validates the “crazy” irrational and impractical thing that has taken ahold of you, and that you really really want to do, even if you are also really really scared about doing it because, you know, you might fail. But you just gotta do it because if you don’t take a chance on yourself, who else will?
So you know, I needed a moment to take that all in. I needed to regain my sense of equilibrium because I am starting to see that life is never going to be “stable” and will always throw curve balls are way. The trick, I think, is to learn how to be flexible to the twists and turns, staying true to, and centered within, yourself the whole way through.
I recently read this poem “The Journey” by Mary Oliver that felt like a life mantra the first time I read it. It also shows how we’d all be lost with poetry, because Mary says everything I just wrote, kind of, more simply and beautifully:
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life.”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations-
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do-
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Reppin’ Where You’re From
New York is dubbed “The City That Never Sleeps”, but this statement is truer of Berlin because there is no “last calls” at bars and clubs here as their only sense of a closing time is whenever the last customer leaves, which can be at 6am. Some places, the party is JUST getting started at 9am at some places here. You can go hard in this city without even trying, and be legitimately confused when you exit a party/bar/club/friend’s house and hear birds chirping when you would’ve bet money that it was only midnight or 1am at most. I write all this to say that it’s 1:40am and I really did not think I’d be coming home tonight from a GALLERY OPENING at this time. While the party is literally just getting started by Berlin standards, after this full week, all I want to do is sleep. Especially since I start my language classes bright and early Monday at 9am for 3 hours, every day.
I want to write more about the past week’s events, but all I can muster at this unexpectedly late hour is a brief story about this past Thursday’s 30th birthday celebrations of one of my friend’s husband. It started at 6pm as a picnic in Tempelhof Park, a place that require its own blog post, but for now, I’ll just start off with the fact that it’s the converted airport that Hitler built, and which just opened up a few weeks ago to the public. The party ended as an apartment party with the last guests leaving at 3am (another example of going hard without even trying!), and overall, was a good ace time.
At one point, while we were still in the park, everyone sang the American version of happy birthday to him in English, presenting him with a delicious chocolate cake. Mind you, he’s Serbian, and the birthday picnic comprised of people from Serbia, Turkey, Germany, Switzerland, and America, but we all sang in English, which goes to show you, again, how much English is the lingua franca throughout the world.
After the initial happy birthday song, another friend and I burst out with the Stevie Wonder version of “Happy Birthday” and everyone clapped. 30 seconds later, some people to the right of us burst out with the Turkish version of Happy Birthday, and everyone clapped. Then the Serbians did their thing, and then the Germans followed suit, and after each instance, we all clapped for the song and for the birthday boy.
In these little moments, through these little dittys that you sing a bit self-consciously, everyone shared a piece of their culture with the group and represented their hood so to speak. It reminded me of the first time I visited Berlin and found myself in a group conversation with 10 people, about one subject, being discussed in 5 languages, and somehow, everyone was on the same page and communicated easily with each other. That moment was one of the first things that drew me into this city, and made me think I was actually experiencing what it meant to be somewhere that was literally a cultural melting pot.
I experienced that feeling all over again at the birthday picnic and think it is one of the reasons why Berlin is such an interesting place to live. People from diverse backgrounds seem to come together here in a way that I’ve never experienced before, and have the space and time to share and learn from each other the stories and histories of where they are from in a way that one can absorb, and which could never happen simply by reading about it or watching it on the news. One example, listening to people around my age from Serbia discuss what it was like to experience for the first time, a bombing of their cities as teenagers, and me remembering watching the discussions of this on TV in an abstract way, and us discussing these disconnected spaces of experiences in between.
So, a fun picnic and 9 hours of birthday celebrations unexpectedly served as yet another confirmation that my initial hunches years ago of what make this city special, unique and a learning space were correct. I’m excited to explore more and delve deeper because it is also a place full of contradictions, but in the end, I am happy that I made the decision to come here again.
Things I’m not Used to Seeing
DeA big part of the fun of traveling for me is seeing the cultural differences in norms, in the differences in the mundane aspects of life. Here are a few brief examples:
Signs informing you when the next train, bus or tram will arrive. I really do believe that if this was installed in ALL the stations of New York, and not just Hipster “L” line, the stress levels of New Yorkers would decrease by at least 40%. People here complain and get annoyed when they see that the train is coming in 7 minutes, and not 1, 2 or 3 minutes, which is usually the case. But at least they KNOW when the train is coming and can chill. Especially when it’s 90 plus degrees plus humidity.
Taxi cars that are either Mercedes-Benz, Volkswagons or BMWs. They are EVERYWHERE and it’s a trip each time I see it! I guess it makes sense that the cars will be cheaper to buy if bought in the country of origin, but still for me, coming from a place where those cars are given a certain social status, it’s a trip to see that this type of social marker just does not apply in the same way here. Because really, not just taxi drivers drive these cars, but whenever you see a car pass, it seems like damn near everyone drives these models as well too.
TaxiBenz
Small portions. Yup, that is a loaf of bread in my hand that you see. And that is what you will find in most grocery stores here. I think part of the reason why this is the case is because people here still for the most part buy fresh bread from bakeries. There is not a huge demand for more mass-produced bread here, and judging from the taste of the fresh breads I’ve had here so far, I don’t think that is changing any time soon. Fresh bread just tastes better!
Miniloaf
Another view of commercialized encouragement of national pride for the 2010 World Cup:
M&Ms: German Flag Color Style
Abandoned boats along the river that turn into public art. I have to double-check if this is the right boat (because yes, it’s not the only boat that looks like this along the Spree River), but one of these boats used to be the site of where a Berlin-based theater company staged their productions:
Public Art
Decompressing after work by the river. I saw so many people like this man who were in wok clothes, bicycling to the river, and sitting by themselves or with friends waiting there. A cool thing to do in the summer time. I wish there were more locations like this by the Hudson River that were easily accessible. Like the Hudson River, the Spree River is NOT a place to swim in.
Chillin by the River
Line drying my freshly washed clothes. The last time I did this was in Ghana. I’ve been to a few Berlin apartments now of people ages 24-50, and everyone has a washing machine in their house, and then dry their clothes like this. Saves energy and I think just practically saves space and money. I’m sure that for really wealthy people here, they have dryers, but from what I’ve seen so far, most Berliners here just work this into their lives easily.
There is more to post, but wanted to show a few images so far in this 1st week here.
Laundry Lists
Dracula
Line to get in, watch films, drink bier, eat crepes and sausage, and be merry.
Someone from History. Painting was on the other side of the tracks, so I could not see his name.
One Side of the moat
Walking to the castle, we saw a rabbit happily trotting by us with a baby rabbit in it’s mouth. Nature here seems more live and in full effect than I have experienced in any other city. The pictures below are blurry, but hopefully you’ll get a sense of the space.
Rabbit in a fox's mouth.
Most importantly and beautifully of all, I got to hang with my friend Justin’s friends and see who his Berlin homies are as he celebrates his 2nd year of moving to this city. In the spirit of the film, we dressed up to the theme of Goth….and apparently were the only ones who thought to do so! Lots of black and dramatic make-up, and lots of fun.
Moving
I’m moving in less than 48 hours clear across the country away from my close family and friends. And true to form, I don’t think I’m going to feel the full impact of all of this change until I actually arrive in LA. Today was my going away picnic party organized by my mom and three of my friends and I had a blast! Even though, I also felt overwhelmed because I didn’t get to talk with everyone as much as I wanted to. I stayed in the moment most of the time, but never feel like there is enough time! I’m glad to say though that most of the people there, I have been spending time with throughout the summer, so was not too stressed about not talking with them too much today.
But, I’m going to miss folks, and I have too much packing to do between now and Tuesday to really sit with those feelings until this move is done.
Berlin is the Place to Be
That is such a hype statement, but so what I feel is true after spending 10 days there with close friends visiting one of our good friends. I met a man there who has lived there for 6 years and recently wrote to me that Berlin is changing so much from when he first moved there. The scenes of life he describe for me indeed sounded different from what I experienced and I would guess is not a part of the city life anymore. In his words, Berlin is becoming like other European cities. Another friend of mine there said he worried that the city might become a caricature of itself, which is a valid fear.
For this New Yorker, and for many I suspect, that Berlin has not yet started imitating itself, the way New York has, is why the city holds such appeal for us. I’m well aware that the city I am experiencing might not have the initial grit that people now wax poetic about: night long parties accessible only through potholes, people BBQing in the middle of the streets, sitting on their sofa, artists taking buildings over and making them their own living and art studio spaces, and so forth and so on.
I remember in 2001 reading an article in the Village Voice about how all New York DJs were moving to Europe, and Berlin in paritcular. It was the best place to be to experience music raw with no pretentiousness according to this article. I was in high school living a fairly sheltered life and my direction I was told, was towards college. I could not fathom what it would be like to pick-up and live in another country I had never been to before and try life out on my own, but I remember that article made the city seem so exciting and exactly where I needed to be.
Eight years later, and two visits later, I feel like I’ve gotten a taste of the reasons why artists are flocking there. Maybe I’m late, but it still feels very on time. I sense that what makes Berlin unique will not last forever, but sadly, New York has lost the thing that continues to make people come to the city, and Berlin has got it. It’s mind blowing to spend some time in a city, that is full of people, experiences and great food, and where you do not spend 50% of your mental energy worrying about how you are going to pay your rent and feed yourself. Berlin is definitely not a utopia and the economy leaves much to be desired, but there, a person can spend 50% of their time contemplating the next piece of music in them they need to get on paper, or the next script, book or painting that they must get done next, and not how they are going to eat, pay rent and bills all in the same month.
Maybe I need to live there for a while to get the unromanticizied view of the city, but even from those who live and are from there, they agree: Berlin is the place to be.
“Lost”
(This was actually written on Thursday, August 6th)
I’m semi-beginning the process of packing in that I’ve fully resolved to just get certain things done and end the procrastination. I came home late tonight from a very productive meeting that I begrudgingly went to and that inspired and calmed me all at the same time! So, I wrote out my “to-dos” for tomorrow, put them in my newly acquired, and adjusting to the, Blackberry and then sorted out my clothes that I am going to drop off at the laundry tomorrow morning, on my way to the post-office.
I decided to watch my Netflix DVDs while I did all of this organizing. And on on my queue, are all the seasons of “Lost” up until the present. A bit nerdy, yes. But, I have never tried to hide the fact that I’m really into Sci Fi and Speculative Fiction. And, I got really into the show two seasons ago, but still felt the need to understand everything from the beginning because this show is like a labyrinth where you constantly are like, “what the fay is going on and what is this show about?”
And long story short, this show is blowing my mind all over again. What strikes me right now is that I think it is asking us, “Do you have what it takes?” Like, suppose this shit actually happened to you?! A long shot, yes, now with GPS on our berrys and iPhones, but what if you had to rely on nothing but your survival instincts and other people who you may or may not know? Those moments are when you really see the stuff you are made of and what is needed for you to survive. On this show, you have, to name a few, a construction worker, a doctor, a former soldier, a con man. And some of these people, who in the real world may not have been seen by society and others in their life as valuable, but on this island have skills that are immensely valuable to the others around them in order for them all to survive.
I have seen glimpses these past few years since graduation of my stuff that I take pride in, but I think this next move to LA is really going to teach me some things that will allow me to grow more as a person, and to really know the stuff that I am made of that, should I ever wind up Lost on a remote, paranormal island, will allow me to survive and thrive.
The Roaring Twenties 
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